The Unseen Struggle is Still a Struggle

The short video above is from Kaelyn on her Kaelynism YouTube channel, and it’s a helpful companion to my “Low Support, Not No Support” Substack post. One of the challenges of being a high-masking autistic, especially one who can communicate verbally and sometimes even eloquently, is that people are less likely to offer the patience, compassion, or support they’d naturally extend to someone who is non-verbal or who presents in the ways many expect when they hear “autism.”

Autism (and ADHD and all forms of neurodivergence) comes in countless forms. Just because someone has mastered the art of masking or has learned to adapt to neurotypical structures does not mean they don’t struggle or face daily burnout risks. When a high-masking autistic person reaches their limit and has a meltdown, it is often dismissed as a temper tantrum or labeled as selfishness or rudeness. What gets ignored is the overwhelming internal reality: the daily sensory battles, the exhausting navigation of social expectations, and the processing challenges like executive dysfunction and emotional dysregulation.

This call for more understanding and kindness toward high-masking autistic people extends to anyone carrying “invisible” struggles. Depression, anxiety, trauma, and other mental or emotional challenges never look the same from person to person. Many people push themselves to “power through,” determined not to burden others or let loved ones down. But eventually, burnout, shutdown, or meltdown happens.

And too often, instead of curiosity or support, they’re met with labels: lazy, selfish, short-tempered, flaky, rude.

The world would be a better place if we weren’t so quick to assign those labels or dismiss people based on surface-level behaviour. We rarely know the full weight someone is carrying. Taking the time to understand what’s beneath the surface might be the first step toward offering the support they truly need.