Unearthing The Garbage: Santa Paws

Answering the Ongoing Debate: Showering at Night vs. Showering in the Morning

For trillions of years, I was showering first thing in the morning (I may be a little off on the number). That all changed when I got married, and Emily gently suggested I move my ritual to the evening. When I mean gently, she told me I can sleep on the couch if I want to sleep in my own sweaty and stinky filth. Since you only have to ask me nicely once, I decided showering in the evening might not be the world's worst practice. So, for the last three years, I've been an evening shower guy. But I have my memories of the morning where I'd drag myself out of bed and get my hot water wake up call, and then feel so refreshed and ready to conquer the world. Though, I do my evening shower without any fuss, I'm still not entirely convinced they're the best option for one's cleaning needs. So, today I decided to do a point by point comparison of the two major times of showering and allow you the reader to decide what truly is the best option.

Here goes my very scientific analysis of the evening showering compared to morning showering.

Morning Showering: It's a nice and enjoyable way to tell your body to wake up, and is a far better alternative than the 'knock the cobwebs out with a frying pan' method of starting the day

Evening Showering: It's a great way to completely wake yourself up right before you were ready to sleep and now you can torment your spouse by banging together frying pans for the next two hours until you tire yourself out.

Morning Showering:
Makes you feel fresh and clean before you head off to work where you'll end up stale and dirty.

Evening Showering: Makes you fresh and clean so you're wife actually lets you in bed with her.

Morning Showering:
Allows you to wash your hair and prevent notorious bed head.

Evening Showering: Stops your wife from berating you for allowing your grease ball head to stain the pillow.

Morning Showering:
Cleans off all that sleep sweat you accumulated from dreaming about that marathon race.

Evening Showering: Cleans off all that real sweat you got from doing everything but a marathon race.

Morning Showering: If you stay in the shower too long, someone might have to make your breakfast for you.

Evening Showering: Actually, exact same positive as the one above.

Morning Showering: Almost every character from a television show or movie showers in the morning. This means that if you follow their lead, you're more likely to have magnificent adventures like them.

Evening Showering: Just in case the big alien invasion happens in the middle of the night, you'll now not have to be smelly when saving the world.

Morning Showering: Can wash out the 5 pounds of dog fur and drool your acquired from spooning the pet all night.

Evening Showering: Dog will less likely lick you all night if you don't smell like a sausage.

Morning Showering: Nothing says morning like pressing your alarm clock too many times and realizing you need to shower, eat breakfast and walk the dog all before heading off to work in 10 minutes. Do you really want to ruin such a sacred ritual?

Evening Showering:
Yeah, probably. Shower at night and you have more time to press the snooze button in the morning.

Morning Showering:
Since you're both in a rush, you and your spouse will have to save time by showering together.

Evening Showering: You'll likely have way more time to enjoy a nice and relaxing shower. Besides, life isn't a porno so the above one never happens.

Morning Showering:
Three words. Morning Shower Fairy.

Evening Showering: Who wants to be watched by a magical being while you stand around wet and naked?

Morning Showering:
You can multi-task and eat your scrambled eggs while you're showering.

Evening Showering: You can multi task and chug your Jim Bean while. . . maybe not.

Morning Showering: Make yourself feel reinvigorated by cleaning off all your sleep drool and sweat.

Evening Showering: Make yourself more comfortable for sleep after cleaning off a days worth of work drool and sweat (some of it not even your own).

Morning Showering:
A clean morning you, means a huggable morning you.

Evening Showering:
Meh, who needs a morning hug. A clean evening you means your wife won't keep the stuffed bear between you and her at night.

Comments

  1. Anonymous3:54 pm

    Scott Martin via Facebook:

    have you pondered the 'end of the work day shower?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, if you shower and then just settle down for the night, I'd almost consider it the same as the evening shower. Now, if you go out and party up the night -- it could be a different beast. Or shower.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5:12 pm

    Cam Mitchell via Facebook:

    as for the Jim Beam bit, and the maybe not attitude towards it.....let it be known that i've drank beer in the shower before. not the tub, the shower. shampoo and the whole bit. it's quite doable.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous5:12 pm

    yes, the after work shower is quite similar to the evening. i think it is the best adaptation of the evening shower because you still have some 'up and at them' moments while you are running full clean

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm sure it is very doable. And if you want to have a kegger in the shower then I'm all for it. I'm not drinking the shampoo though.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous9:49 pm

    Holly Archer via Facebook:

    likes this

    ReplyDelete

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