Just Keep Swimming

Sight Unseen: An Ignorant Plot Synopsis of The Invitation

 DISCLAIMER: I have not seen the film.  This synopsis is merely my best guess, based off of the trailer and my flabbergasted intellect.

Evie is just a boring soul who lives in the big city.  All around her, the big city is a boomin' and she wants some excitement in her dreadfully bland life.  She meets some random dude on the corner who asks her if she's ever tried DNA swabs.  She hasn't.  She's boring and never liked to party.  "Lady, this stuff can take you places," the ancestry pusher tells her.

All of her friends have tried it, so she figures she needs to live a little.  Evie discreetly hands the shadowy figure a twenty buck bill, and he slides into her hand a paper bag with the swab in it.  On her walk home she keeps looking over her shoulder.  There's only one swab in the bag, so she couldn't be charged with trafficking, but the punishment for possession of familial inquiry substances is still something she doesn't want to deal with.

After using the swab and sending it in, she gets contacted by an evil Brit named Oliver or some name like that.  He meets up with her in the big city and suggests that she travel to England with him for a wedding, which never seems like a bad idea when you've known a bloke for fifteen minutes and communed over soup.  He says the wedding is going to be wicked awesome, and it will be full of horror tropes, oddly framed camera shots, and generic sound effects.  Boy o' boy, this sh*t's going to rock.

Evie flies with Oliver to England, because the whole situation isn't weird or whatever.  Arriving at a massive mansion, Evie is kind of blown away.  She's always wanted to be a gold digging black widow to get her hands on that mean green, but with the realization that distant family members have cash means she may not have to go through the convoluted process of finding some old white man who shares her love of soup, convince him to change his will to give her everything, slip him some untraceable poison before slitting his throat and then telling the coppers and insurance chaps and lasses that he died of natural neck separation, and then laugh manically while raking in all of that tasty life insurance bling.  Yes, she just may be able to bypass all of that completely.

At the mansion, she is pleased to encounter all of the tropes that she had been promised.  This was a completely original weekend or something and everyone is acting normal and there's never a moment to be suspicious of everything.

After meeting some of the family, she starts thinking that she may have to go all black widow over all of their asses because they didn't make mention of how they were going to just simply hand her a fortune.  This sucks, because she hasn't packed proper black widowing wardrobe.  A trip into town is needed to prep up for her deeds.

At a dinner she finds out that the swerve is that the wealthy people are actually going to black widow her.  The are going to force her into a marriage where she can share her love of soup with Walter, get her to change her will to give him everything, skip the step of slipping her the dose of untraceable poison before staging an accidental neck separation, acting sad when the Insurance Lords of the Realm arrive, and then raking in nothing.  They forgot to see if she had life insurance prior to inviting her to come and visit.  Oh well.  You live, you learn.