My Valentine

Let's Talk Mental Health

 

It's Bell Let's Talk Day, so I thought I'd do something totally different and write about mental illness.
 
Oh, wait. . . I admit I've written about my struggles A LOT (way too much! - someone screams from the back), but I must confess I allow myself to be far more vulnerable and open in the confines of writing online than I do day-to-day in person. 

A huge reason for that is for my kids and family, where I push myself with my last drop of energy to keep our home pleasant, welcoming, and loving. I also don't want to disappoint others or 'reveal my weaknesses', so I put on a certain persona in public despite how draining it often turns out. I'm often being crushed with anxiety, feeling overwhelmed with the tasks laid before me, or suffering from a panic attack but mostly trying to keep it hidden away. 

I'd rather say, 'Good' when asked how my day is rather than 'I feel like I'm a failure and can't do anything right.' I'm slowly recognizing that seclusion and hiding is the path to destruction. I finally sought out professional help and my doctor started suspecting there was more than just depression and anxiety. Testing revealed a lot of my mental health challenges were likely linked to being undiagnosed as neurodivergent my whole life. 

The struggle is trying to figure out what all that means while being surrounded by people who can't relate or understand. My first instinct is to bottle it all in. I'm learning there are many loving and compassionate people willing to help. Even if they can't fully relate, they are at least willing to listen. 

Maybe I don't need to do this journey all on my own. If you feel alone or if any of this resonates, please reach out as I know what it feels like to be trapped and isolated. My dream is that my own experience and journey can give me the tools to be compassionate, understanding, and loving to others. 

I want to pay it forward, and really make the world a place that accepts and supports everyone.

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