“Oh No, Am I Neurotypical?!”: A Tongue-in-Cheek Checklist



Have you ever jolted awake in a cold sweat, gripped with existential dread, thinking, “Oh no… what if I’m neurotypical?” 

No? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Because if that question ever crossed your mind — especially at 3:00 a.m. — it’s probably safe to assume you’re not neurotypical. But just in case you’re still wondering, I’ve compiled a totally not-scientific checklist to help you figure it out. 

If most of these sound very familiar to you, then I have some news... 

💙 If you instinctively close cupboard doors, put things in their proper place, and know why there’s a pen currently in your hand... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you can follow and stay on track during a group conversation without zoning out, spiraling into an unrelated memory, or nervously scripting your next sentence... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you're struck by a creative idea but don’t immediately build it into a 27-part franchise with merch potential and a wiki page… then you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you can just enjoy a hobby without turning it into a hyperfocus-fueled research binge, a self-imposed competition, or an identity crisis... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If your messy desk makes it hard to work, and your immediate response is, “I’ll clean it now”, and then you actually just do it (no 45 minute debate of where to put the candle, putting the photo in 25 different spots or rocking in a corner with overhwelm)... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you know how long a task will take — and you’re accurate... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If finishing a mundane task gives you a little dopamine boost instead of existential fatigue, shame spiraling, or a nap... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you wake up with a consistent mood — or at least know why you’re feeling off... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If someone asks you something and you can answer right away, without zoning out, silently scripting, or suddenly pondering the deep philosophical implications of “Can you pass the potatoes?”... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you can just… do the thing. You don’t have to bargain with your brain, wrestle your nervous system, or manually reboot your motivation... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you don’t need to stim, pace, hum, chew, tap, or bounce to focus or regulate... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If a sudden change in plans doesn’t send your nervous system into DEFCON 1... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you can listen to verbal instructions, remember all of them, make eye contact, and not forget what you were already doing... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If your brain processes spoken words at the actual speed they’re spoken, instead of buffering, skipping, or needing subtitles in real life... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If you don’t rehearse every possible outcome of a social interaction beforehand, and then replay it afterward in crippling detail for days... you may be neurotypical. 

💙 If being told, “You’re a few minutes late,” doesn’t feel like “You’ve failed as a human being and everyone secretly resents you”... you may be neurotypical. 

If you checked off most of those then congratulations. Or condolences. You’re probably neurotypical. And there’s an entire world built just for you. You probably don’t realize it. That’s part of the deal. Your brain fits the blueprint, so you rarely bump into the invisible walls. 

Meanwhile, some of us are over here with metaphorical bruises, wearing emotional bubble wrap, constantly debugging our internal software just to survive a Tuesday. But we see you. We’re learning how to be seen too. 

And for those of us whose brains go off-roading, whose thoughts run in loops and sparks and spirals then this post isn’t about jealousy or judgment. It’s about understanding. And maybe laughing a little on the way. 

Because whether you're climbing Mount Laundry or trying to decode “Can you pass the potatoes?”, you're not alone.

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