Throughout my life, I’ve often heard the phrase, “Well, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
It usually came after someone watched me panic or get overwhelmed about an upcoming task, appointment, or event. The implication was clear: I’d spent far too much time and energy worrying about something that turned out to be no big deal.
I’d usually agree. It was easier to concede than to explain.
Except now, I understand something I didn’t then.
The panic, the spiraling, the constant dwelling on what’s coming is part of my wiring. It isn’t a character flaw, and it isn’t me being dramatic. A significant amount of the energy drain comes from having to reconcile a change in plans, mentally script what might happen, or prepare myself to enter a situation feeling even vaguely ready.
Part of the “bad” is the build-up.
And the truth is, I never really thought the events themselves were terrible. But they were costly. They took energy. They often left me mentally exhausted. Social situations especially come with a constant undercurrent of calculation of how to act, what to say, how to read the room when I’m not with people I’m fully comfortable around.
When the task is something that doesn’t align with my interests or strengths, there’s an additional mental push just to focus and do it properly.
So no, it was never about worrying over nothing.
It’s about recognizing that some things carry an emotional and cognitive cost, even if they look easy from the outside. Knowing that helps me explain it better, plan for it more honestly, and accept that sometimes it’s okay to tap out.
Because sometimes even the build-up is too much.
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