The Perfect Spiral

My biggest challenge when it comes to my career, or accomplishing important tasks, is my neurodivergent brain’s obsession with all or nothing. The flying unicorn fantasy that something can be done perfectly. And if it isn’t done perfectly, then it must be redone from the very beginning so perfection can blast out of every pore. When my brain decides I can’t do something flawlessly, it panics and shuts down my executive function.

The wild thing is that it isn’t limited to my site, freelance work, or creative projects. It shows up when I’m playing a video game, too. In my head, I need to make sure I’ve done everything “properly” and followed a path my brain has decided is perfect, or I might as well restart entirely. This is true even in open-world games, or something as forgiving as Stardew Valley.

Even though there isn’t a single person in the world who would care (or even be aware) of how I progressed in a game.

This perfection spiral pops up in all aspects of life. And yes, it’s exhausting.

I need to start aiming for messy and flawed, because the reality is that those are usually the most authentic and interesting places to be anyway.

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