Feeling Seen

 

I've had several people with late-diagnosed AuDHD (autism and ADHD) reach out to me in the past several weeks. 

In every case, we've had something sadly in common. We've heard one of the following, or in my case (and several others), all of them: 

"You don't look like you have autism and ADHD." 

"Everyone is a little autistic and ADHD." 

"I think people use that diagnosis as an excuse to get out of stuff." 

"Why don't people with ADHD or autism just use the tools to 'fix' it and be normal?" 

"Good thing you have a mild version of autism!" 

All of those statements make the person feel invalidated, shamed, or judged, even if they’re often said with good intentions. 

It also shows how misunderstood these disabilities still are, and how often invisible challenges and struggles are dismissed or ignored. 

But these conversations have also made me realize something. I may struggle and often feel worn down trying to advocate for myself. But as a straight, white male, I also recognize that I move through the world with advantages others don’t. I’m given more benefit of the doubt than many women and marginalized people who are also AuDHD. 

I’m still figuring all of this out myself. Some days, I advocate well. Some days, I’m too tired to explain my own brain. 

But I do know this: allowing everyone to be heard without judgment makes all the difference. And that’s something we can all offer each other.

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