What is a Friend?

I've felt very lonely the last few years. I often feel like I connect with someone more than they may see the relationship, or get the reverse, as I don't think we can be that close. I believe some of it is the autistic struggle of understanding communication and social norms, but also I think it can be defense mechanisms. Always assuming something is at a base level so I don't get burned by caring too deeply. Pour myself into a relationship with a deep hope some meaning can be found.

I struggle often with the idea of someone potentially not liking me. I'll make even more effort to try to win them over. In reality, that is at the sacrifice of devoting true energy into those that already care. Those more worthy of my time. I aim to be kind and friendly to all, but with the limited social energy I have, it needs to be spent on those that truly matter.

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