Big Dreams, Bigger Doubts

I can vividly visualize having a best-selling novel. I often rehearse interviews discussing my success as a creator.  I constantly think of ambitious ideas to grow my site, newsletter, and podcast. Many days, I feel like a gifted writer who can attract readers and who has something unique to say. I create pitches with confidence and excitement.

Almost as often, I feel like a hack. Bogged down with imposter syndrome. Feeling that my current state is also my future. Doubtful anyone cares about me or has the least bit of interest in my writing.

Two warring beliefs of myself that often push to be the leading thought. Both exist at once. The only way to find out my future is to push on with the terrifying chance that the second one is proven right.

It can also be proven right if I do nothing. That way, it is always right. For now, I have to push on while this shackle digs into my ankle. I'll try to get a little farther each day, even if some days are harder and slower. Every step gets me a little farther.

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