Breaking Through the Fog

I have very few hours in my day before either I'm hit with painful exhaustion or/and my brain is hit by a noxious gas cloud. It then leaves me able to cook simple dinners I've done enough of that they require no brainpower and then to push through to interact with my family in the evening.

It hasn't helped me complete the many tasks looming over me, land necessary work, or create an audience-pleasing piece on this site.

Part of it is the horrible sleep I get, and a CPAP machine should hopefully solve it, if I can figure out how to actually get a good sleep with the hissing and constant feeling of a mask pressed to my face.

I also believe I'm still pushing through autistic burnout, and not properly using time and strategies to regain and recharge my energy.

The struggle is that a common neurodivergent trait that I seem to have is the inability to often recognize my feelings, emotions, and agitation until it is too late. I often get exhausted or angry, but don't tie it to the fact that I haven't eaten for 8 hours or that I'm overheated or my battery is done from socializing or being overstimulated from too many smells, noises, and lights at the market.

I'm learning that the best thing I can do is be much better at vocalizing when I'm exhausted or starting to sense I may be overstimulated, or I'm feeling angry even if I haven't sorted out why.

At the very least, it is being a beneficial model for my kids who are also neurodivergent, and have far fewer years of expereince to help navigate themselves through this crazy world.

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