Late Bloomer

I'm 50 next year.

At the end of next year, because I haven't even started living life as a 49-year-old yet.

I don't feel close to 50. Maybe the sore muscles, nausea, stress tests, and increased medical appointments remind me of my older age. But my mindset still feels like I'm in my 30s. I still feel like I'm figuring out life or not fitting into what a 50-year-old is supposed to be.

It also comes from not having the finances to support my family or even utter any kind of words like 'financial freedom, ' or how rarely I think about things like investments or feel like I am in charge of my own house.

Though let's say I did have a steady stream of clients. I was making several thousand dollars a month on my site, podcast, and newsletter. In this scenario, I could be what is considered a success as a freelance writer and be firmly established in certain niches and arenas. In this case, maybe I'd feel more control of the household because I'd be contributing in a significant way and not feel like I'm scrambling to afford some milk.

I still doubt I'd actually feel like I was 50. I doubt I'd still feel like I had true control. I still doubt I'd believe I fit what was supposed to be 50.

Because AuDHD and neurodivergence mean I'd always feel a little bit different. I'd think of ways from a different perspective. I'd have interests that would consume me in ways most would roll their eyes. The label of immaturity I feel often is a cruel way to name someone who is neurodivergent. 

But that is not justification for failing to create things for my audience or making the necessary income to support my family. Not when I truly believe I have something to offer.

It is a reminder that the typical way to kickstart that career again, and contribute to the world, is going to be different than what is deemed normal.

That is okay.

It is okay that I'm trying to restart a career at just a year and two months from being 50. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Not every path needs to be the same. That is boring.

The goal should be to keep on being willing to travel and become something better.

Even if it takes a little longer than expected.

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