They always have been. I've been good at certain points in my life at seeming natural and friendly. But there has always been a huge emotional and mental cost. It always feels like a competitive sport, trying to figure out how to properly react and what to say next. I am constantly obsessing over the status of a relationship or how someone perceives me. Let's not forget that most social interactions take place in places where multiple sounds, smells, and lights are competing for my attention. I never feel like I'm at optimal interaction status. Plus, being AuDHD, even with the diagnosis, almost makes me feel like a bit of an outsider who isn't doing life properly.
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