Don't Date & Wrestle: Dangerous to Your Health. . .

You're Buff Macho Studd. Destined to be the next great World Heaveyweight Wrestling champion. Life is going just fine and dandy. You get the adoration of wrestling geeks everywhere and you get paid to throw people on their heads. Nothing can be sweeter. Well, except for your beautiful girlfriend, Sweet Sassy Molassy. She is a wonderful girl. You love her. One day, you are going to marry her. Brief aside, if you happen to be a girl reading this, though I'm assuming the mention of wrestling caused you to flee to the bathrooms for retreat, you can just reverse the two roles rather then have to be a guy with a retarded name. Everyone catch the 'brief aside' and the fact that I actually made something short and not drone on and on and on and . . . aw crap. Back from aside, you are the famous wrestling machine and great wrestling fame is your destiny (wrestling fame is about a quater of the value of real fame -- though you get a token appearance on Conan O'Brien). Then you decide, I've got my wrestling and I've got my beautiful girlfriend. I love them both so much. Why don't I combine them? Get her a job and she can be my wrestling manager. It'll be great!

Big mistake! Relationships and wrestling do not mix well. It would be like pouring an ounce of bleach into your fruit punch and thinking that it would not make you sick. Don't do it. The guests hate the after taste of bleach. Having your real life girlfriend/boyfriend become your wrestling storyline girlfriend/boyfriend will be the kiss of death of your relationship.

Do you want the proof? No? Too bad, it's my blog. I will bore you with my useless findings. Or you will just push the back button. Either way, I'm entertaining myself with my rambling of words that turn into sentences.

Macho Man Randy Savage and the lovely Miss Elizabeth. The two had been married before 1985 which was the year Savage entered WWF. In 1991, the two got married in wrestling storyline. A storyline that was complete Shakespeare by wrestling standards (which basically means, it had a plot you could understand). In 1992, they ran a storyline that Ric Flair would claim that Elizabeth was his girl before she was the Macho Man's. This naturally would lead to the men rolling around in their underwear in front thousands of wrestling fans. As far as underwear rolling went, it was really entertaining. Anyway, in storyline terms it was found out that Flair was a dirty rotten liar. In real life terms, Savage and Elizabeth filed for divorce when the two claimed the other for being unfaithful. Not quite a happily ever after.

Taskmaster Kevin Sullivan and Nancy Sullivan (whose wrestling name was Woman just in case, you didn't know her gender). Woman, or Nancy, was married to Kevin Sullivan in real life for many and many a years. It was never acknowledged in any wrestling storylines and actually, the two never interacted on television. Until 1996, where they ran a storyline that Sullivan was jealous that a wrestled named the Canadian Crippler Chris Beniot was hanging out with Woman a lot. It was revealed in storylines that Sullivan was married to Woman and Beniot was now seeing his wife. The storyline ran for over a year and at no point, did it ever really make a lot of sense. In the end, Sullivan was 'retired' from wrestling and Beniot had his wife. The storyline was an example of a wrestling promotion trying to trick you to believe it was all really happening even though it was just really badly scripted instead. The reality check is, in order to make the Beniot and Woman relationship seem real it was Kevin Sullivan who wanted them to hang out in public during this time. Guess what happend? Next thing Sullivan knew, he was a single man and Beniot had himself a new wife. Yikes!

Diamond Dallas Page & Kimberly. Once again, they were married in real life. For a long time, it was never actually acknowledged in storylines. In '97 and beyond, they started to play a lot of storylines where DDP had to defend the honor of his wife. It was then very clear they were married and DDP was her white knight. In 2000, a storlyine happend where Kimberly turned on her husband. She revealed she believed she was too good for him and thus, wanted to file for a divorce. The wreslting storyline actually didn't go anywhere and ended up being really awful. Two years later, DDP is no longer married to the lovely Kimberly.

Chris Adam & Tori Adams. They were married. I'm sure you saw that coming. In 1991, they ran a storyline where Chris Adams would be mentoring a young wrestling rookie by the name, Steve Austin. Then Steve Austin turned on his teacher and claimed he will be better then Adams in every way. Just because Austin was an evil wrestler, he stole Adams' wife. A storyline that Adams had asked for because he thought it would add heat to the feud. But only a few months later, it was discovered Austin and Tori were really having an affair. Reality once again imitates the world of wrestling

You know what, I've got about 3 more of these. Debra/Steve Mongo McMichael, Matt Hardy/Lita & David Flair/Stacy Kielber. All three couples were very much in love. Destined to be together but all of sudden, decided to make their real relationship into a storyline. Somewhere in said storyline, they start to have problems and they break apart. Next thing they know, they have a very real broken relationship. Same drill. Same mess.

There is your proof. Buff Macho Studd should not pull his lovely girlfriend, Sweet Sassy Molassy, into a wrestling storyline. He should keep her far away from wrestling. He should wrestle in Podunk and she should be shooting photos in Tokyo. Not even let her watch wrestling on television. Maybe then they can have their happily ever after. He should also get a new name. It's sort of lame.


  1. that was the longest blog you've ever written, and I actually READ THE WHOLE THING! YAY ME! I thought it was really interesting! But I agree w/ Katy, you are obsessed.

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. Anonymous11:05 pm

    this blog was way too long.


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