Questions I'd Ask Michael Bay If I Ever Met Him

Does the doorbell to your house make a really, big explosion sound?

When you burn dinner, do you then say to yourself, "I am going to reimagine my meal tonight"?

Do you know there are things that record films and television shows, called videotapes and DVDs, that allow them to be captured for all time?

Like seriously dude, do you know that I can watch the original Friday !3th or Nightmare on Elm Street or the Transformers cartoons whenever I want?

Do you have any non white neighbours?

Honestly, have you ever interacted with a 'real live' Black or Asian person in your entire life?

I hate to harp on this, but really, is all your knowledge of non white people from blackploitation and Mickey Rooney films?

I know this is beating a dead horse, but you really do know about DVDs, cable television, and on demand services, right? They were invented so that I could watch old TV shows and movies. You don't need to make them again.

Do you make machine gun noises when you eat your cereal?

Instead of saying 'hi', do you say 'BAM!'?

Do you even know what film school is?

Do you know there is actually a difference between plot and special effects?

Tranformers 2? Honest? Do you hate people? Did you create it because you really hate people?

Why do I still bother watching your movies?


  1. Anonymous1:54 pm

    Derek Smith via Facebook:

    Not all of this is his fault though most of it is. As far as redoing old things, this is a problem with all of Holywood right now. No one is coming out with anything original. It's all recycled ideas. I liked transformers but I think that's the only Micheal Bay movie I can say that about.

  2. Anonymous1:54 pm

    Scott Martin via Facebook:

    Well, you got pretty much the key questions there. he is definately one of the most unispiring folks in film... i wonder if he named his second child after the first one. OR, i wonder if remakes home videos.

  3. hahahaha I like the image of Michael Bay running around his neighbourhood, so that he can cast a child as his son, because he wants to 'reimagine' his son's 6th birthday. This time when his son blows out the candles, the cake EXPLODES!!! Best plot ever!

    And yeah, most of Hollywood seems to be on a sequel/remake frenzy, but I'd argue Bay is one of the top culprits.

  4. Anonymous1:55 pm

    Derek Smith via Facebook:

    I would support you in that argument for sure.


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