Things I Now Do Because I'm Married

They say that being in a deep, committed relationship causes a person to change. I decided to do some self-reflection and figure out what things I do differently because of my marriage.

I Drink Water Regularly: It isn't like I never allowed the H20 to enter into my mouth. It definitely found its way there on many occasions before I got married. The reality is, when there was ever an option for a beverage then water almost always lost that war. When I was growing up at home, I'd normally drink milk for dinner and was consuming juice as my source for afternoon thirst quenching. Water was reserved for when I was dragging my carcass through a desert, or when I became a tightwad during my college years yet still wanted to eat out. Water was not a choice but rather necessity. It was the kid, who owned Go Bots, that my mom told me I had to play with even though I really wanted to go across the street and play with the guy who had the Death Star playset. I loved drinking but rarely was that drink water. Today, I seem to find water going down the throat with very little fuss (I still don't really want to play with Go-Bots though).

I have watched some reality television: Anyone who has read this blog since Day One (that isn't the actual date, by the way), will know that for the longest time I absolutely detested the plague that is known as reality television. I still prefer scripted television almost always over the TV fare claiming to be reality. A funny thing happens when you marry someone who watches shows like 'The Biggest Loser' or 'Survivor' or 'Amazing Race' or 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition", you end up finding yourself watching it with them. This is probably why I haven't had the bile filled rants geared towards reality television that I once had, because I'd come off as a bit of a hypocrite. I still am not a member of the fan club nor is it on my 'can't miss list' but I can not deny it has wasted a few hours of my life.

I no longer dress like a hobo: It would be premature to put me on the cover of GQ or Esquire(do they ever put well dressed men on Esquire covers?) or to consult me for fashion advice, but people don't throw quarters at me when I walk the streets of Toronto anymore. I have learned that flannel shirts and Mickey mouse hoodies are not the best office attire, and I have even been successful in tricking some into believing I have a sense of fashion. I'm not a fashion plate yet, but I have moved several levels above fashion catastrophe.

Shower in the evening: I once believed that all people decide to take a shower in the morning because it helps wake you up for the day ahead. I now know that was the 'White Man Myth.' Yes, it does appear a large portion of Caucasians enjoy the morning shower, but apparently showering before calling it a night is also a very viable option. I've been converted to that side, though it helps that Emily refused to let me enter into the bed until I change my stance.

Wash the top off a can before opening it: I've never been what you would call a 'Science Genius.' I knew science existed, and I was happy for it but we never really hung out. I never seemed to suppress my ADHD (self diagnosed) long enough to learn about all the goodies that science possesses. This is why it is good that I am married to a Science Teacher (who hasn't taught Science in a few years), because now I learn all the important scientific facts. For example, I learned that all soup cans or cans with veggies/fruit have Germ Nazis that occupy the very top of the can. If you open up a can without making sure these Germ Nazis are completely eradicated, then they will invade your food and you will surely die (no immortality for you). The only way to make sure their reign of terror doesn't to expand into your cream of mushroom soup is to wash the top of the lid with water. Apparently, water provides way more value than just for quenching thirst.

I put worn clothes in a separate pile from unworn clothes: Once upon time, after I was done wearing my t-shirt and jeans I would give them a solid sniff to see if they retained any hideous odour, and if they were absent of this then I would neatly fold it up, then put it back in the clothes drawer. I have now learned the dark, evil secret that once you wear your clothes there are these invisible Dirt Rangers that invade the entire fabric, and they completely vanquish any freshness the clothes once had. Even though it might be okay to wear that shirt again, because it doesn't smell like a Yak's butt, it can not be permitted to socialize with the clothes that haven't been worn since Laundry Day. The problem is once you put your worn (yet not smelly) clothes with your 'clean' clothes, then the invisible Dirt Rangers jump from the worn clothing on to the 'clean', unworn clothing. Yes, I learn that dirt jumps thus I must keep my not dirty but still worn clothes in a separate drawer or section from my 'clean', unworn clothes.

Sometimes, things in the house need to be cleaned: Apparently, dishes don't clean themselves nor are most carpets self cleaning. I do think I knew this fact before and even sometimes participated in this ritual known as cleaning. But now, I have a bit more of a keen eye towards things known as a mess. I noticed when a colony of dirty dishes are forming in the sink, thus know I must combat them before a violent mutiny is raged. Though, I will not proclaim myself the 'Greatest Cleaner That Has Ever Lived' nor will I even argue that I do as much cleaning as the lovely wife, but I do think I at least notice a mess or two. So, at least when I am wallowing in my own filth, I am fully aware of it.

I am sure there are a few other things that I've changed since getting married. Popcorn for dinner and ice cream for dessert is a bit less of a staple. And 'Punch Everything That Moves Tuesday' has been eliminated as a regular event. I feel the above are the main things that I do now that I can fully attribute to the fact I have a lovely woman to share my life with now. Well that, and it is rough sleeping on the floor every night.


  1. dave has learned to take a shower for the same reason! :) And I think he does recognize that cleaning is necessary--if for nothing else that to keep the peace. THe dirty clothes thing I'm still working on :-/

  2. Anonymous1:30 pm

    Tiffany Million via Facebook:

    WOW! Please hug Emily for me! If this is true, she has performed the closest thing to a miracle I have heard of since Jesus walked the earth!

  3. Anonymous1:30 pm

    Dee Da Silva via Facebook:

    hmmm why didn't we have 'punch everything that moves day' during LDP? I think it would've gone a long way to help with community building...

  4. Anonymous1:31 pm

    Jennifer Ackland- Elliott via Facebook:

    Wow Chris! I've got to hand it to you! It sounds like you are a kick butt hubby! I need to get tips from Emily I guess! Lol! :D

  5. Tiffany: Yeah, I am really shocked I watch reality tv too. That is the one you are calling the miracle right? You can't be insinuating that I was once a slob who never cleaned or any other disparaging type thoughts? For the record, before Emily is known as a complete miracle worker, I could tie my shoes before meeting her.

    Darolyn: I disbanded 'punch everything that moves day' during LDP because I was afraid you would hit me back which would knock me on my ass. I hate being in that position.

    Jennifer: Tip #1: Marry Christopher Spicer. Tip #2: Probably abandon tip #1 because he is already taken. I hope this was helpful.

  6. Anonymous1:32 pm

    Jennifer Ackland- Elliott via Facebook:



Post a Comment