Unearthing The Garbage: Santa Paws

Sight Unseen: An Ignorant Plot Synopsis of Bob's Burgers: The Movie


 DISCLAIMER: I have not seen the film.  This synopsis is merely my best guess, based off of the trailer and my flabbergasted intellect.

Bob is upset.  His burgers are not doing well, and around a table spread of rice pilaf he murmurs his anxiety.  This is burger anxiety, the kind of anxiety that pairs well with bacon, cheese, tomato, mayo, and a score of other awesomes.  During this dinner, this time of communal family gathering, a ritual that dates back to the dawn of payday loans, he promotes a butter diet to his son.

Man, that banker is on Bob's case.  Money is owned, and, like Uncle Jessie and the Duke boys, he needs to get the money to the bank on time.  Unfortunately, an E.T. hole opens up in front of his place of business.  There weren't any E.T. to see at first.  After a stupid kid falls into it, the mystery begins.

It is well known that the government has never been sensitive around it's handling of E.T. or E.T. holes, so Bob's children, the three of them, need to be cool about this.  While a mysterious E.T. hole is crazy, they can't alert the police or anything because they don't want the flower to die.  Sadly, the police find out about all of this and start tracking the children.  They don't know what to do.

They confer with a squad of E.T. that was discovered in the depths of their hole.  The best thing to do is to go to the amusement park.  While the entire situation is dark and the stakes are huge, everything that takes place at an amusement park is obviously more amusing than if it was happening elsewhere.  If something monumental and scary happens, wouldn't you want a pinch of amusement to go along with it?

Meanwhile, Bob and his wife Linda realize that something wild is taking place.  Their stupid kids know full well that Friday's are most conducive to amusement parkery, and they have gone there on a Sunday, the least amusing of all the days.  While Bob may not be able to save his burgers from the bank, they can at the very least save their children.

Not wearing any disguises, because that's not what the kids would expect, they themselves head themselves to said amusement park.  They arrive and notice that Sundays actually aren't that bad for amusement after all.  They were wrong, and they raised their kids poorly.  This is a time of deep reflection for the husband and wife.

As they are pondering their parenting strategies, the children are up to their butts in mystery and intrigue.  Everything is all turned upside down as they try and slingshot these aliens back into space using the giant rubber band that is the main attraction at the park.  There is a sign that specifically not to be used for propelling alien life forms into a low orbit.  The kids know they need to break the rules and send their new little space buddies back to the heavens.

While Tina causes a distraction on the tea-cup ride, Louise and Gene sneak past the waist high stanchions and ready their new cute little buddies for the rubber band.  Aided by the power of newfound friendship and teamwork, they load the cute little buddies into the rubber band and shoot them into space.  The kids high five at a job well done, and are unaware that the vacuum of space and a lack of proper space-wear has caused their cute little buddies to violently explode.

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