Unearthing The Garbage: Santa Paws

Sight Unseen: An Ignorant Plot Synopsis of Lightyear


 DISCLAIMER: I have not seen the film.  This synopsis is merely my best guess, based off of the trailer and my flabbergasted intellect.

Buzz Lightyear is all about being hero and being astronaut.  I mean, how many people with a name like that wouldn't want to hero or astronaut?  Buzz rocks some solid looks and just taking a peak at his ruggedness is enough to make your heart fizz like a glass of Fanta in the microwave.

A bunch of dudes and dudettes are stuck on a planet and need to launch Lightyear into space.  They are a long way from home, and he is hero who will bring them back to safety and society.  The rocket is prepped for it's test flight, and all hopes are played on this one man who will bravely wisp off into the stars.  Unfortunately, there are some rogue Japanese Tentacles that are harassing Buzz and some of the workers on the site.  Thankfully, their targets are rescued before things turn too steamy.

The planet that they are on is kind of desolate, and they are unable to grow peaches and mustard trees.  I don't know a darned person in the universe who would think that kind of existence is worth living.  It is easily understandable just how hard these marooned people have it, and their plight is one of tremendous hardship.

Two days before launch, Davey Tuckett gives Buzz a robit cat.  It's like Alexa, but much more furry and playful.  The relationship between Buzz and the cat is awkward at first, with neither quite knowing how to initiate conversation.  They try breaking the ice by playing Checkers, but that doesn't work.  Buzz doesn't know how to play, and keeps confusing the rules with those of Connect Four.  Both get frustrated and storm off.

Wanting to make it up to robit cat, Buzz decides that he should bring it along with him into the space.  Robit cats have not been given the same privileges as humans, so this is really a great opportunity.  Robits and humans working together to make marketing opportunities.

After blasting off the planet, Buzz lands somewhere much else.  There's trees present, and the first thing our hero can think to do is to bravely explore the landscape to try and discover if there are peach and mustard trees.

Before he is able to chart much of the surface, a fleet of dastardly robits arrive.  All these robit blokes are intimidating and off ill temper.  The great divide between humanity and robits means they are enemies, and Buzz needs to hero up and deal with this.  Should this crazy new enemy find out where humanity lives, it could mean some kind of destruction or enslavement of the species.  Take your pick.  Both outcomes super suck.

Thankfully, that cute bit of merchandising, the robit cat, has seen into the world of the humans and knows that they are kind, but terrible at remembering the rules of some board games.  Cat speaks to the evil robit group and basically tells him that humans are as useless as confit duck without salt.  The robits then retreat into space, and Buzz is left to keeps searching for the trees most important.

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