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I Finally Have a Good Excuse for No Written Theatrical Review Today


There was once a bountiful and prosperous time when on a weekly basis you could expect written reviews of brand-new theatrical releases from me rather than just waiting to listen to the latest episode of The Movie Breakdown.

Today, was going to mark the glorious return of a written review for a new release. This was going to be the day to officially kick-off a new era where written reviews of 2022 movies roam and rule the site once more.

But will it come true today?

Nope.

As in, no dear reader, there will not be a written review for Nope today.

But this isn't a case of spending far too much time writing a review that is constantly interrupted by rampaging children and client work charging into my day, then finally on Saturday allowing those toxic inner voices persuade me that it is no longer opening day, so my written review is pointless.

Because I haven't even seen Nope yet. I won't be seeing it for the podcast this week either.

Why?

Well, on Tuesday, I had a slight tickle in my throat. One of those signs that a cold may be getting intimate with me for a few days. But then that cold never really snuggled in after that night, so I decided to never think about it again.

Or so was the plan.

Except a friend visited that day, and then contacted us to let us know she was indeed dancing with the Covid mistress. Since I had that slight indication that a cold may be barging into my life, I thought that I should test, since we had plans to go places for the next several days and I wanted to go to the movie theatre to review Nope.

Well, the test says I've joined the Covid club. Since I sort of had symptoms on Tuesday, I am declaring that is the day that I got it, even though if it weren't for our friend contacting us about her positive results, I'd never even thought to test. I once dreamed about sniffles that were worse than the nothing I have right now.

I ended up finally getting the biggest viral fad of the last three years, and all I have to say is 'maybe there is a bit snot in my nose?' If catching the virus was all about bragging about how one survived near death, my infection is rather pathetic and embarrassing. It probably won't even earn me a free hash brown at Denny's.

Of course, I am not complaining, because not having a fever or any cold symptoms is always better than being smothered in such illness. And I just learned right now from Google that my city has a Denny's. When did it become a thing in Canada? 

But I still suffer from the Covid annoyance of having to stay home, which means the movie theatre needs to be avoided for a few days. So, it is nope to Nope until my isolation period is done, which likely will be very short because I am fully vaccinated and my symptoms have essentially been gone for a few days already. 

This is the lamest cold ever, which I am not complaining other than the whole all our weekend plans have shifted to stuck at home like a hermit. Which Emily would argue is how I aspire to live most weeks anyway.

Of course, the week that I shook my fist and yelled to a room of no one that this was going to be the without a doubt moment the written reviews return in full force and I'd be delivering a Nope review to my far too patient (and to be honest, dwindling) readership, that I'm now just left looking crazy to nosy neighbours with nothing productive to present.

But Covid said Nope (yes, I am really stretching out that joke).

The worst symptom of catching this pandemic causing virus is that I can't see one of my most anticipated movies of the year on opening weekend, and probably won't see it until next weekend now. 

But the positive is I feel near perfect. Or as perfect as a 44-year-old overweight guys with a sore neck and a possible case of tennis elbow (writer's elbow?) can make claims of being in perfect shape. But I currently have no virus symptoms and I don't need to nap more than I would otherwise desire while caught in the typical tornado of being a dad and writing to deadline.

This means I can still write reviews for movies that don't mandate I leave the house and I can start to work on the many of the long-promised projects. How about we declare this a fresh start anyway, even if it is Nope to a theatrical review for a few days (sorry, I really only have one joke for this piece).

Oh, by the way, this doesn't put me on team 'Covid is no big deal' now that I do have it and I nust try really hard to find a symptom at the moment. I am fully vaccinated. I never got sick outside of a slightly sore injection arm with my vaccinations. I still fully support getting vaccinated and credit the vaccination to feeling almost nothing now. Maybe it is also time to concede that it is a good thing that Emily forces us to eat dark green leafy vegetable, so my immune system has kept me feeling healthy despite what tests read. I may feel good, but I am isolating like I should because I know there are vulnerable people out there that could catch it from me, and the results could be much worse for them. 

For now, we can all celebrate that I have a fresh excuse for why you don't have a written review for a new theatrical release today. Stay safe and have a much more active and social weekend than I am about to experience.

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