Rev Up the Engines

The Pre-Review: Definitely Not Forcing Down a Headache


 If you follow The Movie Breakdown podcast with myself and Christopher Spicer, you would know that I lost the Summer Box Office Challenge, my first loss since 2019.  As this year's loser (once again, my first loss since 2019), I was given the task of watching Daddy Day Camp, Battle of the Year, and Descendants to review.  I knocked out the first two movies pretty quickly, and I am now watching Descendants.

Hey, Scott... if you're watching Descendants, why are you on your computer writing stuffs?  Well, the answer is that when you get a migraine, you may need to pull the curtains and close your eyes until you reach a point of recovery when you can once again bounce up on your feet and face the world.  I'm not saying this movie is bad, and I'm definitely not equating it to a migraine where the only cure is pressing pause and focusing on self care.

The reason that I'm definitely not saying those things is because Chris let his children each pick a film for me to watch.  Everett picked Daddy Day Camp, and was happy to hear that I hated it.  Young Danika, bless her soul, chose Descendants for me because she loved it and thought that Uncle Scott would love it too.

It's about the children of Disney characters, with the little ones birthed from the genetic materials of villains being allowed to attend a prep school with all of the seedlings of the heroes.  It's a fun idea, almost Clone High in nature.  This ain't no Clone High, though.

Because Danika, bless her soul, really thinks I will enjoy it, I am having to watch the film and try and focus on anything that may be good and positive about it.  I'm definitely not saying that this is a difficult task because there isn't a lot to be positive about.  That's the last thing I'm saying.  I just want to make sure that when I write my review tomorrow, Danika isn't insulted because I'm bashing one of a million aspects of the film.

Not that there are a million things to bash.  Definitely not.  I mean, if there were a million things to bash, I would probably get a headache and have to stop watching.  I've already gone out of my way to say that definitely is not the case here.  Definitely not.

I'm also not saying that watching this movie is like walking through volcanic ash whilst rocks and molten Earthen innards fall from the sky, just desperately trying to find a flower or other such nicety within miles of dying landscape that is gasping in its final breaths before fading away forever.  I'm not saying that at all.

Tomorrow, I shall write the review for this film, and I will make sure I don't say anything about it that could make Danika think I didn't like it.  Once again, watching this movie isn't akin to wandering a wasteland while searching for something positive to say or dealing with a migraine.  Definitely not.

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