Ode to Another Pair of Sweatpants

I like to think Beyond the Balcony is a place where we dig deep into the cutting issues and pop culture of these modern times. This is why last year I wrote about some new sweatpants I got at Christmas.

My readers are wise and intelligent with good taste, so it was no shock this profound piece of literature was one of the most popular pieces on the site in 2022.

I'm all about delivering what my readers crave, so here is the long anticipated sequel.


Being loyal in life is truly the magic key,
So, I always felt one pair for sweat pants was for me.
But my gut prides itself on being bold and stout,
Which means the band can't avoid a wear-out.

Yes, I remember when I declared my clothing true love,
It was a day worthy of a soaring and majestic dove,
The bag of chips taunt that they are here for me to eat,
So, the dream of being slim have been met with defeat.

I no longer can just be a one sweatpants man,
Because I can not say no to seconds of flan.
So, I must be ready to face the hard and cold truth,
I have hit many miles away from the days of my youth.

Many may go out looking for that really good suit,
But they are also better at remembering to eat fruit.
Keeping my bulging belly secure is truly rocking,
Even if my wardrobe may risk a slight mocking.

When it comes to sweatpants it just can't be one pair,
Because for my dear family this would never be fair.
Even if I stick with my habit of a soapy daily shower,
Wearing the same pants brings a nasty smell power.

So, my dear first pair of sweatpants, don't be bitter,
For you, I am not about to be an outright quitter,
When I fell in love with one, there was something I knew,
My drawer one day would need more than just two.