Just Keep Swimming

Why Yes, It Is Another Random Conversation Between Two Strangers


I need to start posting daily on the site again. What better way to declare it is time to take me seriously as a writer again than a completely ridiculous, fictional conversation.

For reference to what insanity you are about to read, here are the original, the sequel, and the threequel.

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Sam: "Hey look! This time we have names, so it is easier for the reader to follow!"

Riley: "Wow. You're breaking the fourth wall right away today!"

Sam: "Oh, I've broken like 25 walls today. And I totally wrecked my parents' toaster."

Riley: "Not what I meant. How did you break your parents' toaster?"

Sam: "Apparently, you put the peanut butter on after it's toasted."

Riley: "Why would you do it before?"

Sam: "Save time."

Riley: "How does it save time if you have to spread it either way?"

Sam: "Also, you should use bread."

Riley: "Wait! What did you try to toast?"

Sam: "Chocolate."

Riley: "Hold on! Why were you toasting peanut butter-smeared chocolate?"

Sam: "It's better than trying to toast a Blu-Ray disc."

Riley: "What?!?"

Sam: "I got my appliances mixed up once."

Riley: "I'll pass on that one. So, why did you stuff chocolate in a toaster? Do you realize you aren't a two-year-old?"

Sam: "Sometimes. But I was trying out what will be the next billion-dollar idea that will make me thousands of dollars."

Riley: 'Wouldn't a bill. . . never mind. I am going to regret this, but what is your idea?"

Sam: "Wait for it.

...............

................

Wait for it.

.................

Wai. . ."

Riley: "If you don't tell me now, then I'm going to leave sooner than usual"

Sam: "Chocolate and peanut butter!"

Riley: "They have already been invented, and they are quite popular. And also jammed and melted in your poor parents' toaster. Remember?"

Sam: "But together!"

Riley: "Uh. Where do I start? Um. Have you ever heard of Reese's?"

Sam: "Yeah, she lives down the street from my parents. I had to borrow her Blu-Ray player after I got chocolate and peanut butter stuck in my parents' player."

Riley: "No. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. It is literally the idea you believe that you just discovered.."

Sam: "How did they create it without wrecking their parents' toaster?'

Riley: "I'm not entirely sure why you need the toaster?"

Sam: "Because I already broke the oven."

Riley: "Too much for one day. But you're telling me that you've never heard about Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?"

Sam: "Look here. Many things have some similarities, but that doesn't stop them from becoming a success. Kleenex and tissues. Frisbee and flying disc. Band-Aid and bandages. Blu-Rays and toasters.'

Riley: "Except for the last one, those aren't examples of similar products, but a product and the most popular brand name version of them.'

Sam: "Well, who says that my billion-dollar idea can't be the most popular brand-name version of chocolate and peanut butter?"

Riley: "Reese's Peanut Butter Cups."

Sam: "Aha! But mine won't be a cup!"

Riley: "Okay. What will your shape be?"

Sam: "Plates. But thick. And with ridges along the side."

Riley: "So, a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup."

Sam: "But have they ever been in a toaster?"

Riley: "Probably, if you ever had one. I still don't understand why this invention needs to be toasted?"

Sam: "Why do we need anything? Why do we use shampoo instead of maple syrup when showering?"

Riley: "I am disturbed that you believe you just made a good point, and even more bothered that this was likely from personal experience."

Sam: "Or why do you need to wear a helmet when headbutting a rock, when you have a perfectly working skull?"   

Riley: "Now, that explains quite a bit."

Sam: "I sense you questioning my genius, but who here invented the snack that will captivate a nation, once they get it out of the toaster?"

Riley: "Again, I'll answer Reese's Peanut Butter cups, except they didn't jam their invention into a toaster."

Sam: "That is why no one remembers them, and I will be wealthier than Scrooge McDuck."

Riley: "And now I fear you believe that you referenced a historical figure."

Sam: "Of course, I did! He is in that nature docuseries, Duck Tales!"  

Riley: "I quit."

Sam: "I haven't even hired you yet to the soon-to-be thriving candy company."

Riley: "You don't have a candy company! You just have a ruined toaster clogged up with chocolate and peanut butter.' 

Sam: "That is far closer to success than your supposed career."

Riley: "What do you mean by supposed career?"

Sam: "Who has ever heard of an accountant? Ha!"

Riley: "People who are not spending their time stuffing things that aren't bread into a toaster."

Sam: "You can keep working for a boss, or you can work for me as the first employee of a business that will change the world one delicious candy at a time."

Riley: "Wouldn't you just be another boss?"

Sam: "We can be more like partners, but you'll just do what I tell you."

Riley: "So, a boss."

Sam: "Your lack of vision is why you haven't invented revolutionary candies."

Riley: "Neither have you. You can't eat a toaster, even if food is stuck inside it."

Sam: "You're missing the bigger picture."

Riley: "What is that? You stole the idea of a very popular snack?"

Sam: "No, this giant picture of a rainbow elephant that I painted while I was toasting my peanut butter-smeared chocolate. You haven't commented on it yet. Isn't it beautiful?"

Riley: "That just looks like a scoop of ice cream melted on a white t-shirt."

Sam: "It is, but the spill looks like a really majestic elephant if you squint just right."

Riley: "This seems the right time to say I have an important event that I need to attend immediately."

Sam: "Wait!"

Riley: "What?"

Sam: "Can I borrow your iron?"



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