Revisiting the Site: The Truth Of Nice Guys. . .

(CS: This is the first piece I wrote on the site that really drew an audience. It was initially posted on May 21, 2004. I'm curious to see how much my views on things have changed.)

In the grand spectrum of the dating world, I would be considered a 'nice guy'. Or at least, that is what a girl told me right before I was informed she wouldn't be able to make it on our date tonight or any other one after that. Nice guys are that breed of male that girls always wonder why they can't find any. Then the girls find nice guys and realize they'd rather dump the darlings than date them. You may be thinking that I'm about to compose a manifesto that proclaims all nice guys never get their due but instead are the unfair punching bags of mean girls. If that is what you're expecting, then you will be disappointed. Sorry, nice guy, this is no reaffirmation for you. (CS: The 'nice guy' label has eroded since this post with the rise of incels.)

Nice guys are highly overrated. A girl should never date a guy just because he happens to be nice. I've heard many times throughout my travels (mostly to the fridge for more ice cream)that a girl should give some poor sap a chance because he is so nice. Or that the girl should have never ended that relationship because the guy was such a sweetheart. When was the law passed that a girl should date a guy solely because he likes her and is nice (I'll admit such a law would have saved me from playing Uno with my mom every Friday during high school)? As for the people always getting on the girl's case for breaking the nice guy's heart, why don't they pick up these great catches (why can't gummy worms be good bait for fish)? (CS: Most supposed 'nice guys' likely have a significant thing to work through that has determined their singlehood. There were reasons my dating calendar wasn't full.)

Why doesn't the rule of 'date him because he's nice and deserves it' apply to friendships? I know a lot of nice people but I'm not going to just become their best friend. Some nice people just happen to have nothing in common with me. I've been in rooms with nice people where we basically stare at each other and drool. Drooling isn't a stupendous way to spend a Saturday night (it's more of a Tuesday thing) Some nice people just happen to be dull or silly or smelly (it's true, some nice people don't shower). The point is, though every nice person will hopefully find love and happiness, they just may not deserve it with their current crush. Just because a girl has decided that they no longer want to date said nice guy, they haven't become a She-Devil (though if she starts to grow horns, you've got an argument). They are allowed to dump the man. (CS: I know a few guys who fit under the 'nice guy' label that turned out to be absolutely horrid boyfriends and earned any future long-term singlehood.)

Now, I'm not encouraging all girls to run out and date tattooed bikers who bite heads off kittens. I'd probably suggest staying away from kitten eaters. I honestly despise how a lot of guys treat girls (thus, the reason I fall under the nice guy banner). I really want all girls to find a guy who treats them right. I hope girls can find a guy who is nice and sweet to them. I'm just saying that just because a guy is kind, sweet, and nice doesn't make him a catch. Girls do need to be attracted to him in whatever way it takes a girl to be attracted to Mister Man. He needs to have the looks or personality or hobbies or kicking movie collection it takes for the girl to be happy with him. (CS: If I wrote this today, I'd argue most moaning they were nice but single probably weren't as 'nice' as they thought. 'Nice' in this context usually meant passive and 'kiss-ass' rather than assertive and self-assured yet kind.)

Coming from a 'nice guy', girls have every right to overlook us. They have every right to dump us and watch us melt into a mass of gelatine before their eyes. If it feels right, guys can cry themselves to sleep while listening to Celine Dione but they also need to realize no crime was committed (well. . . the dumping wasn't a crime but a male actually listening to. . . ahem). (CS: Nothing wrong with a male listening to Celine Dione. Stop being so sexist 2004 Christopher.) The girl was allowed to dump him flat on his bony butt (not that I was checking the guy's butt out).

Now, nice girls don't really get the sympathy party from me either but it's basically the same song and dance so just reread the post but switch the genders around. (CS: A little over a year later, I was dating Emily. I turned out fine. This is definitely a piece before the trolls and bitter boys started crawling out of their caves and exposing the whole 'myth of nice guys.')