Top Ten Possible Reasons for My Mysteriously Sore Neck

10. I am in Fight Club and we don't talk about fight club. Oh crap.

9. My body really wants a massage from Emily, thus it is taking serious action to ensure it will happen. After all, my wife is absolutely loving and compassionate, and would never want her wonderful husband to be in pain. Psst. . . I am the wonderful husband, seriously.

8. The weight of the world is on my shoulders. . . and I can't wait for Atlas to get off vacation.

7. My neck really liked how I ripped off Letterman last week, thus had to give me the inspiration to do it again.

6. My head is HUGE (you know it is big when it is typed in all caps) and my poor neck has been carrying around this mammoth since 1977. That is bound to wear the poor thing out eventually.

5. My years of competitive break dancing have finally caught up to me. Too much of that head spinny thing -- that is the official name for it, by the way. Head spinny thing.

4. While I've been sleeping, Crosby has been secretly piledriving me onto the bedroom floor. That is what I get for not feeding him every single hour of the day. Though I have to be impressed by the power of a 9 pound cat.

3. Nazis, because honestly, you can never really stop blaming them for bad things.

2. The ghost of Bruce Lee has been practicing his new form of karate on my neck. I am really honoured that he chose me but well, it is time for other people to get the privilege too.

1. My neck is really tired of its current look and wants to start sporting one of those oh-so fashionable neck braces.