(CS: I originally wrote this piece way back in December 15, 2011, so a little more than a week before Everett was born. I mentioned a week or so ago about how I used to just write weird and messy fiction pieces on days when I didn't know what to write. This would be a shining example of one of those times. I may try to finally do a follow-up to this one. It is really oddball and not for everyone, but it actually turned out to be one of my more popular pieces.)
"Man, you've got to hate this downpour. But at least it isn't that awful white stuff, eh."
"I don't mind the snow. I've got a big dog that loves to run through the stuff, and the kids remain entertained for hours by making snow men and snow forts. Plus it is nice to have for Christmas."
"Yeah, it sure beats this rain, eh?"
"The conditions are optimal for me to test out my fully constructed Battle Snow Walker. I made it by fishing through the dumpster of a bunch of hardware stores, and mashing it with several toys I stole from neighbourhood kids."
"I'm not waiting for the bus, you know."
"I'm waiting for a girl. Yeah, she's real nice. She probably has friends, you know."
"I'm not really looking, bud."
"Oh, I know. I know. I'm just saying she probably has friends. It is nice to have friends."
"So, I see you like coffee."
"Yeah, that is why I chose to buy a cup then proceeded to drink of its contents."
"I don't just make fully constructed Battle Snow Walkers. I've got tons of other huge projects."
"I believe you."
"I'm also making an Ultra Boat Soar Blaster. It is a boat that flies. I just need to get a job so I can buy a boat."
"I've also made Super Sonic X-Ray Glasses and a Super Shrink Device."
"I also like to lick tombstones and roll around in the dump."
"So, I think this girl must be on one of these buses coming in."
"I bet I could totally turn one of these buses into an Electro Saurus Transmorpher."
"I don't understand these words."
"So, are you going to work?"
"I need a job. Problem is nothing in this town meets my super skills and awesome abilities."
"That is too bad man. Hey, maybe your girl is on that bus that just came in."
"You better go check, because you shouldn't leave her waiting. Women don't like waiting."
"Hey, you said you have kids right?"
"No, I didn't."
"Yeah, yeah. You said they like to play in the snow. Man, I totally like to play in the snow too -- with my inventions. Maybe your kids will need a babysitter -- I had one before so I totally know what to do."
"Nope, no kids."
"You ever eat the hair of other people?"
"Look, I got to. . ."
"Can you do me a favour?"
"My bus is here man. I need to. . . "
"This girl I'm meeting sometimes likes to pretend she doesn't know me. I was wondering if you could go talk to her -- you know, like distract her -- then I'll come from behind and. . . "
"You know what, man. You're sick. You're really sick. And if you don't leave here right now. . . "
"Ha ha ha. I'm just kidding man. I was just trying to freak you out."
"Alright. I really need to catch my bus."
"But seriously, if you ever find yourself in a cemetery. . . "