I never got to multiple posts in a day on here and there were several little news items that were left unexplored, but for a bit this past week, I was writing about movies and had some depth. This site was finally recapturing the vision that has been bouncing around in my head for the past several years. It was bliss. It was magic. It was a corner turned.
For a few days.
Then the reality of desperately trying to find and then excel at paid client work while dodging the flying daggers of my kids' online schooling had overcome me again, and I have limited bandwidth to write on here.
This is both the actual time it takes to craft a post but also if I am going to be completely honest, I'm struggling with some emotional downers and burn out. There is only so much creative energy that is in the barrel for a day's work.
It doesn't help that I'm someone that sort of works on getting momentum and starts a sprint with his writing. I like ideas flowing through me and I hit this poetic groove as words mesh into sentences that grow into paragraphs. It is this exercise and dance on the screen that once I have an interruption or need to stop my brain to fingers rhythm that I find my mind crashes down a cliff. Then, there is some rigorous mental work to get back into that groove after I have taken care of the 'I need a snack' or 'My sister is attacking me with a marker and action figure' or 'My brother isn't doing his work but ignore that I am not either' interruptions.
Sometimes it takes more energy and creativity to get back into the piece that I am writing and return to the laser focus that I once had. Unfortunately, kids being home 24/7 means this is a daily ritual. Or should I say curse.
This is my state. I need to come to terms with it. I will keep up the fight. I won't let the days that overwhelm me to derail this site. I'll have good days and I'll had rough days. Some days will need a throwaway post and others will be bountiful with several well-thought-out pieces. It is what the site is for now. It is a representation of the man behind it. I am so thankful you are here to see it all unfold.