Sight Unseen: An Ignorant Plot Synopsis of The Batman

 At a greasy spoon in Gotham City, some dude orders a coffee-like drink.  Behind the counter is Gravlin, working to provide for his daughter while taking barista night courses at the local food and beverage college of fine arts.  He couldn't remember if dude asked for soy milk or almond milk in his frothed drink. Breaking the honourable code of the North American Barista Union Division of Additive Ethics, Gravlin decides to just go with normal milk.  

To signal that he wasn't sure what he should have added, he draws a question mark in the froth on the top of the beverage.  When dude takes a sip, he gets gassy, bloated, and ornery.  Pissed off, he decides he will become The Riddler.  Cops show up and take him away.  Being a The Riddler in modern day Gotham City is illegal.

The Batman gets called to a job by the police using a spotlight to put a symbol of a bat into the sky at roughly 6:45pm on Wednesday.  The police know that The Batman has a no cell phone policy during dinner, and he always has Indian takeaway on Wednesdays between 6:30 and 7:00, so they can't text him.  If they do, he will probably get understandably annoyed.

Showing up at a public transit train platform, The Batman finds a sub-horde of disgruntled mimes who are unsupervised.  There isn't a head mime to explain their presence, but they try and inform The Batman that his name is Pierre, and he will be arriving on the next train.  "No dice," The Batman says, and beats the street performers to a pulp in the rain.  He hates fighting in the rain, so he goes home to an Alfred to complain.

The Alfred tells The Batman that he really needs to move away from cotton underwear.  When they get wet they remain cold and wet and upset his Batballs.  Something synthetic would be better.  "I have no time for this," The Batman says.  "I have to go beat up people in a dark environment."  The Alfred knows that The Batman is just trying to divert away from the under-roo conversation, something he does every time undergarments get brought up.

The Batman arrives at a fight party, where there is music and people for him to beat up.  It's been a long day, and he needs to unwind.  While punching some blokes, The Batman notices there is a The Catwoman in attendance.  She's doing really well in her fighting at the fight party, so he decides to go and either talk to her or fight her.  Either or.  It really doesn't matter to The Batman.  He's down for whatever.

But then The Riddler asks a nefarious riddle question.  He sure is still in some discomfort from that darned milk in his beverage.  The police need help learning why The Riddler is so ticked off.  They overlooked the evidence at the greasy spoon and haven't understood that some Lactaid would go a long way in solving this problem.

Driving down the road in an awesome car, The Batman follows a villain who performed a rolling stop at a red light.  The villain explodes the awesome car, but it survives the flames, emerging from a giant fireball before running into the villain's car and flipping it over.  When The Batman drove through the giant fireball the sudden and drastic increase in temperature both warmed and dried his cotton gotchies.  He is finally happy, and dramatically walks towards the villain's over turned car to thank him.  His Batballs are dry again, and Gotham is saved.