Sight Unseen: An Ignorant Plot Synopsis of Sonic the Hedgehog 2

  DISCLAIMER: I have not seen the film.  This synopsis is merely my best guess, based off of the trailer and my flabbergasted intellect.

Sonic the space hedgehog has watched a few Batmans movies, and now he really wants to be a Batmans.  Perched on a rooftop, he sees that far below on the streets an armoured money carrier van is being driven by robbers.  He thanks his optometrist, who was able to provide space hedgehog accessible contact lenses to improve his long range vision.  He will save the day.

Unfortunately, nobody has told this innocent and well-meaning space hedgehog about the power of context.  That day happened to be Super Secure Bankz costume party, and the driver and guards in the vehicle were wearing robber costumes because they thought that funny.  Sonic intercepts them and takes the guards out before deploying his patented sewer-skewer, a thingy that makes water shoot up from under the ground.

The people of the city aren't super happy about this, and Sonic the space hedgehog is told to take some 'me-time' with his friend Tom on a lake.  While jigging for some perch, Tom gives Sonic an inspirational speech.  Tom can easily see that his friend is a wee tad down in the dumps, and wants nothing but the second best for Sonic.

After the little trip into the middle of the lake, Sonic feels super confident that he can reinvent himself, and that he doesn't need to be a Batmans.  Walking along the side of a road to the local bait shop, he hears a newsie with a flat cap shouting, "Extra, extra, read all about it!  Local air show looking for killer act!"  Sonic gives the boy three farthings for the paper, and one extra for himself to spend on farthing candy.

Now, Sonic knows that aerial travel and stunts are well beyond his skillset.  Thankfully for him, the second page of the newspaper tells tale of some dude space hedgehog who showed up on earth that has a commercial single-engine pilot's licence.  Sonic searches him out and convinces this new space hedgehog, who is named Tails, that they should join the air show as part of a united-front space hedgehog charm offensive.

They start practicing their routine, but all of a sudden that dastardly Dr Robotnik shows up after being marooned on a mushroom planet and tries to put an end to it.  Robotnik doesn't know about the air show and thinks they are practicing a pre-emptive strike against him.  Reality really doesn't exist to him anymore, as he has only been eating magic mushrooms for a few years.  That egg in the frying pan is his brain.  Remember that, kids.  Remember the egg.

Sonic and Tails are able to get away from him, and they just naturally believe that this is all over and done with, so why not have a backyard BBQ at Tom's house?  They get the old Hibachi out of the shed, toss in some charcoal, add a little fluid, and get that baby burning.  Before they could get it up to temperature, Robotnik shows up with a new space hedgehog named Knuckles.  All three space hedgehogs battle it out over the beef that was going to be grilled, in what would be later called The Battle for the Cattle.

Knuckles wins this fight, and Robotnik has finally taken care of Sonic.  He's super happy, and his rejoicing is delightful.  He has now been around twenty four hours since his last mushroom meal on the mushroom planet, and realizes he's actually in Newport Beach walking around in his underwear and that it was all a stupid trip.  Remember the egg, children.  Remember the egg.