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Sight Unseen: An Ignorant Plot Synopsis of Thor: Love and Thunder


 DISCLAIMER: I have not seen the film.  This synopsis is merely my best guess, based off of the trailer and my flabbergasted intellect.

 After unseating The Lion King and kicking his furry arse to the fringe lands, Korg has assembled a group of entertainment hungry misfits under the Tree of Life or whatever.  This works for Korg, because dude loves telling tales and dripping people in narrative the likes that only a rock man could spin.  Thor is his main man, so obviously the Norse god is the well that he dips into.

Thor done let himself go.  After a few years of chicken wings and mead, a ponch has developed.  Heroes don't have love handles, and Thor left his Bowflex on Asgard.  He has to improvise a workout routine, using whatever he can find laying on the ground and everything he can remember from Body Break with Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod.  Grit and determination re-earn him a six pack (funnily enough, six packs were part of what got him into this mess).

While battling a bunch of right bastards, his old lady friend pops in to take his friendly hammer.  We all know what it's like to have an old flame reappear and take our magic friendly hammers, so a lot of relatability is afoot.  They spend a bunch of time either walking and talking or standing and talking.  It's just like the old days, just without all the eggs and bacon of times past.

All of a sudden, from the depths of bad thoughts of ill intention, arises Thor's greatest challenge to date.  Larry, a pale faced SoB, is agnostic.  Growing up, his chums always called him a fence sitter for not adopting a definitive view on deities.  This played with his self esteem, so now he is over compensating by being all pale and death to gods and such.

Thor wants to stop him, but fellow god Zeus has shackled him and forced upon him a strip tease.  A lot of folks have gathered to see this, paying a fairly hefty cover.  The in house band didn't do a lot to get the excitement going, but the site of a golden haired doodle flopping around in the breeze seems enough to satisfy everyone.

"Well done, me bucko," shouts Zeus.  Turning to his buddy Dan standing beside him, Zeus says, "that's one rocking dang."

With the crowd happy with the pay off, Zeus allows Thor to leave.  The night was successful, and brought in enough Olympus cash for Zeus to pay off his gambling debts.  Thor, meanwhile, is a little more than irritated by this whole scene.  It was a bunch of bullroar, but now he can move on with his life.

With the aid of that girl that he shipped off to Dumpsville (that's his side of the story), the two try and show the universe that when two people respect a hammer, they can accomplish impressive feats of awesome.  Larry ain't no match for two hammer fiends, and he gets all sulky.  Cussing a streak of harsh words and busting a nut of anger, Larry huffs off and retreats to where whence he came.



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