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Scott Martin
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DISCLAIMER: I have not seen the film. This synopsis is merely my best guess, based off of the trailer and my flabbergasted intellect.
The halls, they are a decked with holly by the bow. The chestnuts snuggle by the tree with care. Christmas time is upon the Lightstone family. They have a lot of money and know that if you want to be a Christmas movie it is best to live in a large house to appease the ghost of John Hughes. It's probably best to just assume this family lives in or around Chicago.
'Hoorah', thinks the little child who wants nothing more than to have many underserved gifts lavished upon her. Her name is Trudy or some crap like that, and the greed of the season has her just flat out wired for her to get her taste and whet her egocentric blade of material desire, as is the yearly tradition. Nothing... absolutely nothing will get between her and what is owed. Any fool who thinks otherwise will suffer.
Unfortunately, there are a bunch of fools afoot. Their leader goes by the moniker of Scrooge. Dude is not just a bah-humbugger, but also a thief. Well, at first it is easy to believe he's a terrorist. A pretty well-dressed terrorist. Then the Christmas movie swerve comes when it turns out he just wants to get into a vault for an undeserved big payday.
There is someone else in the house, a single hero who only wants to do nothing more than his typical holiday traditions. The thieving means that he now must save a female in the building, and therefore begins to take the well-armed criminals out one at a time, occasionally using a walkie talkie to talk to an African American character. This is some brand new Christmas movie stuff happening.
That hero is none other than Santa himself, and young Trudy is on his list of good children. Sinterklass decides the only way to save the girl is some good-old fashioned holiday murdering, just like its 1988. The subtext here is that Trudy has some sort of leverage over Santa to force him to the extreme of shedding blood, just so that she can still enjoy her Christmas. The kid is a sociopath, and nothing will mess with her getting what she wants. Sure, upwards of thirty strangers may die, but it is just numbers on a spreadsheet of the facts of life with Trudy.
A first glance at the soft and bulbous profile of De Goedheiligman belies his fit and murdery inner core. Dude knows how to throw down. You can't keep an army of slave elves under your control without being able to get your hands dirty just a bit. All them thieves don't stand a chance, as Claus rips through them in a merry holiday manner with great cheer. Death stains the walls and carpets of the Lightstone house, but Christmas is saved. Trudy gets her presents as families of Santa's victims receive sorrow poinsettias.
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I'm smarter than a bat. I know this because I caught the little jerk bat that got in my apartment, before immediately and inadvertently bringing him back in. So maybe I'm not smarter than a bat.
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